Lizerrrbeathan Fanfic

Welcome, welcome to why this? Why now? BTVS is over, ATS is over and I choose this time to build a site and here's why: My poor battered heart was given the balm indeed the rescue really fix from FANFIC. 'Chosen' made me sick, really, literally--I won't describe the symptoms too gruesome even for ME--and fanfic restored my faith about what it means to be a human being and what could I do but give back--throw some missives into the pool in deep appreciation.

Also, there's this actor, this guy, this James Marsters who opens his heart in a way so seldom seen we all fall down in a gasp.

And so I make pretty pictures bound in a bouquet and I write not just any words, but my best words because for a small moment we get to see love, we get to see a man and woman love each other and hold it up as an example, a creative visualization maybe...whatever, you get it.

What was it Nelson Mandella said? Something like; when people move unbidden as one in a group--it's God talking. Hey baby, our grass roots are showing.

Posted with site debut April 2004

O.K I've been thinking about something--it occurs to me that whatever happened on BTVS or Ats past the point of personal recognition and feeling is moot. Our Buffy, that is the Buffy of our hearts as she represents us in the collective unconsciousness ultimately responds with a tremble to Spikes open heart...because...well...we would respond that way. The highest form of the feminine divine as it exists must nod because Love loves love. We scramble fell in front of the TV as if crumbling under an altar to simultaneously sound off the universal sound the cosmos would understand unequivocally as: YES. Yes, that is what I want in my life. Yes that is the kind of effort and commitment that makes the twirling earth a rewarding experience and not a bad theme park spin. We hold that slim but ebullient pulse steady through fanfic. Oh and by the way--thanks James...don't really think any of this would have happened if you hadn't taken the risks you did. Really, really hope the world slpishes you merrily along as you have splashed that particular male vibration into the collective pool.

Posted to Wax Ecstatic July 2004

Thanks to James, we are now a united front. Buffy/Spike, as we know it--is a frame of mind not a frame in time.

The Spuffies are an energetic force the world must contend with. The effect we have in the world may simply be: 'being.'

By holding these ideas in our minds as an investment. Maybe it's an investment for women of future generations and we're breaking ground, who can say?

Spike drew us in, and now it is up to us to use what it brought to our lives. This is about taking the parts we want and saying: “O.K.--thanks for the jumpstart JAMES (not Joss). I'll get involved now and conclude this healing for myself.”

We want more love in the world? Bottom line: We’ve got to put it out into the world.

We need to remember: as we think, so we create...which is, of course, why fanfic was born. It is the very heart of what it means to be female in humanity claiming what we really want.

These themes […around the love of Spike for Buffy] woke a great dormant hope in us all and it will take some time to rework how to keep it alive. I really believe, once an idea is given life as a possibility, it's like trying to unring a bell.

Now Joss may be trying to do just that – for whatever reason, sad childhood, out of tune notion of how to thrive in the world--but he CAN’T!

Can. Not. Unring. A. Bell.

We are a HUGE force of love to be reckoned with; we are waking up, let's be inspired by the gift of feminine in masculine as demonstrated by gift of James in Spike.

(Excerpts from e-mails between Lizerrrbeathan (www.lizerrrbeathan.com)and (OhGodSpike@pacbell.net) May 2003--edited 09/2004

How we respond to James/Spike opening his heart is how the highest form of unconditional love would respond. We saw someone open his heart and our highest female divine all agreed: “Yes, yes partner up with that. Do the hook up and soon!”

It's not the bad boy or the bad ass that drew us in so completely--it was the wonderful proposal of seeing a man making a present of his willing heart. It awoke the feminine divine in us all in such a way, we all clambered up close to the TV screen to get more of THAT. That's how starved we all feel for that holy connection between a man and a woman; for love given and received.

It would have been an act of mercy... a benediction for millions, to show genuine unambiguous kindness to Spike and a loving gesture to Spike is a loving gesture to us.

So, O.K., Joss went a different way--but that only gives us an opportunity to do it for ourselves. Fanfic does not equivocate, it states clearly to the heavens and whoever is listening: 'Gimme me more of that’. Fanfic is self actualizing; fanfic helps us help ourselves. Life is just too, too hard as it is and stories should help, not hurt.

It is some kind of covenant.

posted 09/2004 edited excertps from email corresponence between Lizerrrbeathan and OhGodSpike!